I felt quite unbalanced last weekend.

I was back home from a short getaway on the lake, and while the weather hadn’t cooperated, I did catch up on much lost sleep and made my way through several books. Just what the doctor ordered after six months of an insane pace at work, thanks to COVID-19. So it puzzled me that I was feeling “off”. My stomach was queasy and my head heart.

It wasn’t until I started to get ready for bed, having readied a lunch for the next day and laid out my work clothes that it dawned on me – maybe I was a little more anxious about the big “return to the workplace” the following day than I’d expected to be.

It’s not like I haven’t been to the office at all since we sent everyone home in March. I’d been fully engaged in the plans to bring people back safely, so I knew all the precautions we’d taken as a business. And I’d even spent a couple days in the office – a very empty office – before my vacation. 

Realizing why I was anxious didn’t seem to help with sleep that night. I tossed and turned and was awake much earlier than my alarm the next morning. At least that gave me time to have a long shower and blow dry my hair properly.

 But you know what?

Being at the office wasn’t that bad. In fact, it was better than not bad. In spite of the difficulties finding my way around the office with new unidirectional hallways marked out on the floor, and my glasses fogging up when I wore a mask in all the common areas, it was quite exciting to see colleagues in person for the first time in six months. Teams meetings, while helpful, just aren’t quite the same, and we laughed as we elbow taps became something we tried for real!

I spent three days in the office last week, alongside about 20 percent of our employees. And by the end of that time, I was quite comfortable. And despite all the new procedures, there was a certain level of familiarity that we could take comfort in. And when I worked from home again on Thursday and Friday, I felt the silence in the house quite acutely. I was surprised how quickly I’d gotten used to the sounds of the office again.

I was feeling quite confident about things for a few days, but as the week wore on, Ontario’s numbers continued to rise and the government has taken steps – twice – to limit social gatherings in an attempt to keep things under control. It’s made me a little nervous about what the future holds, but at the same time, we can’t shut things down forever. 

So it’s under this cloud of uncertainty that we’ll begin next week. While I’m happy and confident in going into the office again for a few days, do I wonder what Thanksgiving and Christmas are going to look like this year and whether we’ll be able to gather as families and friends the way we did last year. Certainly the freedom we’ve had this summer to gather outside is coming to an end as temperatures drop and the leaves start to turn.

Until then, I’ll continue to hang out my laundry on Saturday mornings as usual, but now with a whole row of “clothing” adorned the line. Masks. Masks of various hues and patterns dried in the sunshine.  Just one more thing we’ve gotten used to in this crazy year.