My pockets are empty. Like – hold them upside-down and shake them out, looking for a penny – empty.

Like tons of other people whose vacation plans were upended this year by COVID-19, I’ve turned my attention inward and had a close look at the four walls (and garden!) in which I’ve been spending all my time.  Contractors have been doing booming business as all the money we would have spent on travel has been plowed into home renovation. In my circle of friends, there have been patios built, home offices constructed, basements finished, pools installed and gardens expanded.

In my case, an upstairs plumbing issue shortly after my daughter came home from university left us with a water stain on the popcorn ceiling in the dining room. That meant installing a new toilet – and a teaching moment – my daughter now knows how easy it is (girl power!). Later on, it also meant having someone  in to fix the ceiling, which was not a job I was tackling on my own. A few days of mess, though, and the popcorn ceilings on the main floor were gone, replaced by freshly painted, newly smooth ceilings that feel miles higher.

Unfortunately that meant that the money I’d hoped to spend having someone paint out the ugly orange oak staircase was used up. So after having promised myself I’d never paint another staircase again, out came the sandpaper, the primer and the paint. At least this staircase didn’t go all the way to the basement.

But it’s not just my pocketbook that’s empty. My emotional piggy bank is also running dry. 2020 has drained just about all of my emotional reserve. I stepped away from the computer the other day after a 10 hour work day and it felt a bit like cheating – as if I hadn’t put in a proper day’s work. My daughter confirmed what I finally saw for real. Since starting to work at home this spring, I’ve been working crazy hours during the week. I’ve managed to not work every weekend, but the sheer amount of work has been insane. My two usual  stress relievers – yoga and singing – have been off limits. COVID-19 has shrunk social circles and options for entertainment. And let’s not even open the box of the kiboshed sabbatical. 

Fortunately, I don’t have to wait much longer to try and fill it that piggy bank up again. I’m sneaking away for a few days soon to a little cottage where all that’s on the agenda is sleep, beach, books, beverages and maybe – just maybe – a little bit of hiking. It’s overdue and I can’t wait.

And then I’ll stop spending. Really!